Something I’d forgotten about the last time I was pregnant: the incredibly weird, incredibly vivid dreams.
You may ask, “What do you mean by weird, eden?” Let me give you some examples and let you decide.
Weird Dream #1 (Current Pregnancy):
I’m at a three-star (at least) restaurant with some of my high school classmates and Trig/Calculus teacher. Our food won’t be finished for a while, so we go to the “Ices” buffet to get a dessert-like appetizer. Those clear-plastic, square drink machines that keep punch swirling and cold are set up in a circle for us to choose from.
“Try the beets,” my math teacher says.
That sounds delicious, so I get a DixieCup and ladle myself a helping of cold prawns and beets (making sure to pick myself out some extra prawns). As I do, I notice a latte-colored substance in the next machine over labeled “Wife,” and decide that if my food doesn’t come before I finish my beets, I’ll come back and get a helping of that.
Back at the table, I start eating my prawns and beets, which are so delicious and so cold (WCWilliams reference #1), I realize that my chicken wellington has been delivered to the girl at my right by mistake, but someone has already eaten all the breading off of it.
“I think that was supposed to be mine,” I say.
Weird, right? And when the dream isn’t just straight-up weird, it’s obscene. Really obscene. I don’t cuss, for reals. But in these obscene dreams, I’ve got a mouth like a sailor or a dockworker or some other clichéd water profession that uses really bad language. Creatively bad language.
Weird Dream #2 (Last Night):
My baby doctor has come to my grandpa’s house in Emden with another maternity patient so that this woman can live out her dream of something or other to do with a farm. Since Dr. S is already there and it’s almost time for my appointment, I assume that she’s going to do my appointment at Grandpa’s house. The patient before me is “Donating Flowers” (putting a bouquet of flowers in the pasture) and doing other generally weird things while my doctor follows her around.
Then, finished, they leave. And I realize I’m going to have to go to Kirksville for my appointment.
Josh and I go outside, but I slip and fall in the mud.
“[Expletive Deleted]!” I yell, realizing I’m going to be late. Then I realize that my OB ultrasound was scheduled for that morning at 10:30 at the hospital and I missed it. “[Expletive Deleted] [Expletive Deleted] [Expletive Deleted], [and so on]!”
[Un]Interesting Side Note: My OB ultrasound and my next doctor’s appointment really are on the same day, the first at 10:30am and the second at 1:30pm.
The food dreams were the worst last year because I was unable to eat anything but cheese sandwiches without getting sick. I’d dream about all those things I loved to eat (not about beets), but couldn’t have and wake up wishing I could. The strangest thing about those dreams was how vividly I could taste the food. Even thinking back now it makes my mouth water.
Weird Dream #3 (Last Pregnancy):
I went to lunch at my high school cafeteria where they are serving pizza, cheese sticks, and blueberry cheesecake, three of my all-time favorite school lunches. I filled up my tray, sat down and ate. It was delicious.
That’s all. I ate it and it was delicious. I have absolutely no doubt that dreaming about sex is directly related to being sexually repressed because when I was dreaming longingly of food I was foodly repressed. (Edibly? It’s hard to say.)
There are a lot of sites (according to Google) which attempt to tell you what your maternity dreams mean (apparently this is a common symptom of pregnancy), but not many places that will list examples. I do, because I care.